A Journey Into Inner Freedom

When I look back at the past few years, I can literally feel space opening up around my heart. And that's not because it was all so beautiful. In fact, these were the hardest years I've been through.

And I know so many people are going through their own version of this, so if that's you, I hope that sharing my story helps you.

My biggest struggle these past few years was financial. And not being able to pay the rent, having no idea how to pay all the bills and seeing no indication of any change, kept me up at night. 

Repeating mantras over and over again to keep my mind from spiralling. Observing and releasing my feelings, thoughts, and stories about money and lack, instead of believing them. Regulating my nervous system. 

And it all helped but more like a bandage than a cure. 

You see, by that time I'd been unravelling the programmed ego-mind for almost 15 years but, no matter how aware of it I was, I could never seem to really stop identifying with it.

In some ways I was still fighting with it. More quietly than before, way more subtle, but still. 

Fighting. 

And with that, I kept feeding the same reality I was so desperate to get out of. 

Even though, deep down I knew this was all happening to bring me to where I desired to be. 

You see, somewhere I've always felt that life is simple. And in its essence, it is.

It's the programmed mind, our ego, that just loves to complicate things. I knew that.

But knowing was not enough, it never is. It's just the starting point of change.

So, I went back to the very root of it — releasing deep core beliefs I'd been carrying my whole life. I reprogrammed my mind, installed new beliefs, different stories and again, it helped. 

But in the background I still felt them lingering. Like a radio you hear playing softly in the background. Not fully hearing the music but enough to make you whistle the tune.  

And then somewhere along the line, I realised I had to shift my awareness altogether. Because as long as the program is running in the background, it has a hold on you. 

And it will always run in the background, because just as with a computer, a program can never really be erased. There will always be traces left. Somewhere deep in the system.  

So I started to activate my soul's frequency and shift into the place beyond the mind — call it awareness, god-state, the quantum field, whatever resonates with you. 

The name doesn’t matter. What matters is that it's real, and it's always there. 

First I started choosing this state of awareness consciously in intense moments or during challenges I faced. And the more I chose the state the more I felt that my circumstances had no impact on me here.

It’s like physical reality becomes less relevant because you know that you’re the one who can change it. You’re in charge. Just not as the person you identify with, but as consciousness. 

But again, knowing this is not enough. We need to surrender into it and for me, well that was a bit of a thing.

You see, we’ve learned that being in control is a good thing. But who’s in control really?

It’s the programmed mind that believes that keeping you small is safe.

The one that keeps telling you that you’re not good enough.

That you need to work hard, earn your place and adjust yourself to fit it. 

So even though I was aware of all this, surrendering felt like the scariest thing to do.

Because it’s a survival mechanism, it feels like everything will come crushing down the moment you let go.

But the funny thing is that once I let go of this fear that the ego creates (you can just breathe through it)  and truly chose to believe in an infinite power that orchestrates everything perfectly for me, it became so much easier. 

It’s all a choice. Most choices however, are made unconsciously. 

Now I consciously choose the reality I want, over and over again. Because that’s all it takes. 

You need to choose the story you want to live and decide that that’s the person you are going to be. And every time you notice yourself drifting off, just come back and choose again. 

The one thing that helped me so much here, was deciding that everything that happens is part of the journey to where I want to go. 

So If there is a setback, or a new challenge, instead of resisting or fighting it, I see it as part of the road that leads to where I want to be. 

As it turns out, this is the freedom I’ve been craving all my life. And my goodness, I’ve been looking for it everywhere. 

Tried to find it in drugs and alcohol in my teens and twenties. In work, travelling and relationships later in life. I even left the Netherlands with my dog in a camper in search of a new place to live. Out of the 9-5 system.

And that too worked up to a certain point. Again a bandage, not a cure. 

Because there is no cure. Not really, there is only choice. 

Looking back I was always free — I just wasn’t able to see it yet because I believed my physical reality was real. We all do, because that’s what we’ve been taught. 

But physical reality is secondary, not primary. It’s the result of your state of being. Of what you identify with and believe to be true.

And as long as you identify with the programmed part of you, you’ll never experience the fullness of who you truly are. You’ll never have access to the infinite possibilities that you are. 

So if you're somewhere on this road — know that the freedom you're looking for isn't out there. It never was. It's the one thing that was always, already yours.

Let this be your invitation. Not to fix yourself, not to fight the program — but to remember that Inner Freedom is part of who you are. 

Love,

Chanti 

PS: If my story touched, moved or stirred something in you, I'd love to hear about it. Feel free to reach out theshift@chantitala.com or you can book a free call here.